Histoire Drole Finance

Why did the accountant break up with the mathematician?

Because they argued over whether love was a finite resource or an infinite series! He needed to be able to depreciate her feelings!

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A CFO is interviewing a potential new analyst. He asks, "What is two plus two?"

The analyst replies, "On a GAAP basis, or IFRS? And what is the materiality threshold we are using? Also, what industry are we in, and what's the current macroeconomic environment? Can you provide more context?"

The CFO leans back and smiles. "You're hired!"

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What's the difference between an accountant and an economist?

An accountant knows the cost of everything but the value of nothing. An economist knows the value of everything but the cost of nothing.

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A man walks into a bank and asks for a loan. The loan officer asks what he needs the money for.

"I need $5,000 to go on vacation to Paris," the man replies.

The loan officer says, "Sir, you need collateral for such a large loan."

The man thinks for a moment, then pulls the keys to a brand-new Rolls Royce out of his pocket and hands them over. "Will this do?"

The loan officer, stunned, agrees. The bank parks the Rolls Royce in their garage.

Two weeks later, the man returns, pays back the $5,000 plus interest, and takes his car back.

The loan officer is confused. "Sir, we did a little digging, and you're a multi-millionaire. Why would you borrow $5,000 from us?"

The man smiles. "Where else in Paris could I park my car safely for two weeks for just the cost of the interest?"

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Why did the stock broker faint?

He heard inflation was going up and wanted to lie down before he fell.

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Two finance professors are walking down the street when they spot a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk.

One professor bends down to pick it up, but the other stops him. "Don't bother," he says. "If it were real, someone would have already picked it up."

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What's a bond investor's favorite type of joke?

A low-yield dad joke!